Today this is me... I struggle with feelings of worthlessness. I fight the temptation to feel sorry for myself, cry and get angry. Many things go wrong in my day, outside conflicts and conflicts of the mind. Im learning to try to deal with these things. Its hard I just want to crumple. But i can't, i have to fight it or i will sink. Life just isn't the dream that i imagined it would be when i was young. i thought it would be perfect. A husband that got it right, the kind they portray in those novels, candlelight dinners etc etc. Children that would be clean, obedient, happy, well.
Well life just aint like that at all.
 We think if we "just get married", then the dream will begin. We think "If i just have a baby" I will be in that contented state and not need more. And so the list goes on.
Contentment is accepting where we are at for the day.

This quote impacted me last year when I went through terrible depression and saw no light at the end of the tunnel.

"Are you content with what you have? with your calling in life? your marital status? your income bracket? your home? Most of us admit there are times and seasons when we really struggle to accept how God has ordered our lives. A little shift here, a bit of tweaking there, we think, and we'd be content.
So we strive at the tweaking, but in the process find that new things to adjust keeping cropping up. So forward we go, pouring our energy into changing what we can because we believe happiness lies in  settling things just so. but contentment wont be found in changing the things we don't like about our lives...
Our problem really isn't that we need something we don't have; our problem is that we dont find God to be enough for us." Contentment: A Godly woman's adornment by Lydia Brownback.

Life is ups and downs. Many of us struggle with the upbringing that was less than ideal. We only have one life to live here on earth. So Im determined to see the rainbows. There may be lots of dark clouds threatening to overwhelm you, but if you look hard you will see a rainbow. If you are finding it hard to see them, God has given us many promises in the Bible. Here is one for today.

 "For now we see through a glass darkly;
 But then face to face;
 Now i know in part;
 But then shall i know even as i am know."
1 Corinthians 13:12

If you have days like this, then you are not alone. Keep looking for the rainbows.
God help me to be all you want me to be. I know im not perfect, i never will be. And that is why im so thankful to have you in my life. Today Lord take my heart, mind, soul and make it yours, help me to rest in you. I lay it all at your feet.
Today, this is me.